The Sex Snare, Stabilizing Hormones and the Cranium

As I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and males use love to obtain sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where songs analyze excellent sex as love. But those who fall under the Sex Trap go even further because for these singles, making love brings enormous significance and consequences.

Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:

A.they think sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be excellent also).

B.more typically, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual might be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with reality when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body reacts to someone we are brought in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), makings the opportunity to make love with somebody we are attracted to very tough to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce feelings), makings us feel very near to explanation and bonded with our sex partner.

These chemical reactions are uncontrolled and strong , leading to powerful sensations of attraction, excitement, closeness, wellness, and love .

When problems occur, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got issues, however the sex is terrific!" They more than likely wouldn't admit it, but they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their main hunting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay guys, states that much of his customers have fallen into the Sex Trap.

" For gay men especially in urbane areas, sex is easily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be great?".

North adds, "I believe this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to mention that chemistry is necessary. Chemistry is a provided that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry happen, though sometimes it can grow in time.

Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication subsides and reality hits.

To prevent the Sex Trap, you need to balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This suggests integrating chemistry with good sense. While good sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying full focus on your vision, worths, goals, and requirements -- while feeling all those exciting stimulates!

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